For as long as one can stay

The garden at this time of year was beautiful. Stray rays of sunlight managed to pass through the gaps of the cavern, a whisper of what was just out of reach. A lovely way to spend the day in the garden with his beloved. If Asgore's thoughts could allow him to, that is.

Gaster's birthday was a few days ago. He was getting older.

While Asgore stayed the same.

It still wasn't enough to make Gaster look older than him, not for a long while, but it was only a matter of time. Skeletons were a long lived kind of monster, but long lived does not mean immortal.

Sooner or later, he would lose him.

It had only been a few months since they became something...different, but life already seemed impossible to go through without Gaster's presence. Even before their relationship changed, but romance only complicated things even more.

In the past, it was easier. Having someone around who would stay for as long as you would, aging alongside you. Other monsters would still come and go, but there would always be a constant. And then, being alone. Even if it hurt, it made it easier to avoid getting too close to anyone else, sparing part of this ache.

Not that it always worked.

By the nature of Gaster's job, it was only a matter of time before they became close friends, decades ago. Longer lived kinds of monsters made it easier to ignore this inevitability, to let himself pour more of his heart into these relationships. But long lived still isn't forever.

He had never committed to this sort of relationship with someone who wasn't a boss monster before, not this deeply. The closest to it had been...Rudy.

It was still too painful to think about him.

Only now the reality started seeping in again, after the thrill of novelty began wearing off. Forever was not a luxury to many. Not even to himself, but to the timescale he was in, a long life and forever could be considered basically the same thing.

Nothing could be permanent. Everything was fleeting, like the flowers in his garden.

Was this the best choice? Or would only more hurt come from this, to both of them?

— Asgore?

Gaster snapped him out of this train of thought, sitting across from him at the tea table. The light bouncing from the flowers at this hour colored Gaster in beautiful shades of gold. A smile was almost automatic at the sight.

— Yes, Dings?

— You have been very quiet today. Anything on your mind?

Just as quick as it appeared, this question made his smile falter. He couldn't burden Gaster with this worry. He shouldn't.

— Oh, nothing, don't you worry about it.

Hand-waving it only made Gaster lean closer, squinting a stare at him, inquisitive as always. And eager to grab a cookie from the jar nearby as well.

— Is that so? Your tail is curling on my leg.

— And what of it?

It became harder to hide the tension in his voice now. Gaster knew his little tells a little too well sometimes. Read him like an open book.

— You only curl your tail around something when you are worried.

— I have been thinking too much, I'm afraid. — A heavy sigh left him before he could even process it. It wasn't worth the energy to keep the facade aymore now that Gaster saw through it, the most he could do was stall the inevitable. — You know how it is.

Gaster's hand rested on top of his own without any prompting, squeezing it tightly. The cold feeling from the bones brought even more of his focus to Gaster, rather than his thoughts.

— I know. What were you worrying about?

— I don't want to bother you with this. Unfortunately it's not something you can help with.

But it only made the skeleton furrow his brows, almost...a pout of sorts. Cute, if not for the timing.

— Hearing this doesn't make me less worried.

— I doubt it would change anything...

— You are the one who tells people to speak their worries, even if they can't be solved. Why shouldn't you say them too?

He had a point that was hard to disagree with. But the idea of sharing this out loud nearly blocked his throat from saying the few half baked words he had come up with. It wasn't a matter of trust, there was no other living being that he'd trust more than Gaster. Not anymore, that is.

Letting it out of his head was an entirely different beast.

— ...What if we were too...eager to have this relationship?

The silence and stare from Gaster was an even worse beast. It was as if time had stopped, no movements at all coming from the skeleton. Even the wind died down, holding the room still.

...It would have been better to not have said anything.

Only the slight furrowing of brows broke the stasis, with Gaster leaning forward on the table, as if he hadn't heard it correctly.

— What do you mean? — The trembling in Gaster's voice was unmistakable, even at the vain attempts to steady it. A noise that made his soul sink.

— I'm going to outlive you, isn't this going to make it hurt more in the end?

Gaster's shoulders drooped at the question, expression softening until Asgore couldn't guess what he was thinking anymore. Not that it ever was something easy to guess. His scientist's mind leapt from idea to idea quicker than anything he'd ever seen.

His hands were remarkably steady while pouring out more tea onto the mug. Cinnamon and floral notes wafted from it, with the slightest hint of lemon in the middle. At any other situation, it wouldn't be something worth paying this much attention to, but the drawn out silence made every gesture become all Asgore could gather of his reaction.

— ...Aren't you going to lose me either way? The pain will the same when I die, won't it?

As sudden as the silence began, Gaster broke it. His gaze turned upwards toward the holes in the ceiling of the cave, that brought some of the few rays of sunlight to the underground. Asgore followed it, now being the one whose shoulders relaxed.

These few patches were now beginning to dim, the sun must have started to set outside, the golden hour settling even more intense in the garden. Everything was washed in gold tones, bringing warmth from above.

— W-Well, in a way, yes, but...

— So what difference does it make in the end? I don't think I could go back to how we were before, not without a good reason.

Asgore knew the feeling well. Too well. The glances that lingered, the touches that stayed for a little too long, but retreated almost aggressively fast once noticed. The ghost feelings from every hug that always ended too soon. The longing. It was an ache that burned deep inside him for many years, and even longer for Gaster.

— ...I don't know if I could either.

— Then why have you brought this up?

— I... — He could feel his throat closing again before he could even start. — I can't lose you too. And you will get older no matter what I do and...I don't know what to do.

The edges of his vision were starting to blur, stinging his eyes with every blink he took. Any hope to say anything else was lost, the weight of all these thoughts finally dropping all at once. A shadow in his mind that had been stewing for far longer than he could ever manage to admit. It wasn't a new thought. It was...old. Far older than their relationship, and so much time had already passed, there wasn't enough left for them to be together. They were running out of time

Breathing became harder, as it began racing to try and catch up to the whirlwind in his mind, which only made his chest tighten. Until his focus was caught by a sudden movement in his peripheral vision.

Even through the blur, he could see Gaster's expression soften, eyes falling on him. The fuzzy shape that was the skeleton leaned ever so slightly closer.

— But cutting this out early would only bring the pain sooner, wouldn't it?

He could only find it in himself to nod.

— Eager would not be the word I'd use for our situation. Too cautious, maybe. But not eager, far from it, I'd say. — Gaster continued, a finger circling the edge of the mug. — I also don't love the fact, but...there isn't much we can do about it.

He paused, now holding the mug with both hands, leaning back on the chair.

— None of us are here forever. Nobody could stay forever. Not for themselves, not for their loved ones. — His eyes went back to the garden, steadying his posture with a deep breath. — ...And nobody can ask anybody else to stay forever.

Cold fingers reached Asgore's own and carefully interlocked them together. A timid smile appeared when he squeezed it in return. It was hard to not reciprocate it.

— But to stay as long as one wants, for as long as one can stay... That's the most anybody could ask of anybody else. And I think you know what I want.

A bony thumb grazed his hand, back and forth, as Gaster leaned closer, as much as the table could allow. The gentle rhythmic movements slowed the thumping of his soul, melting away the lump in his throat.

"Whatever you decide, I will follow you". Those were the words he remembered Gaster promising years ago. He was yet to be proved wrong. For better or for worse, it was hard to get rid of his royal scientist. And once his mind was set, barely anything could change it.

What Gaster wanted couldn't be more clear. If not possible, he'd always settle for the closest thing to it. And the closest...was more than he could expect.

Perhaps...

But his focus was cut short by a hand reaching even closer, nabbing a cookie from his own plate, the criminal in front of him not even showing an ounce of guilt. The poor sweet was devoured in only a few bites.

— Besides...80 to 140 more years is still nothing to sneeze at. Seems like a long time to keep bottling what is already out.

— Well, if you cut down on the smoking, then it will.

— But- I've barely been smoking!

Fell straight into his trap.

His smile only grew wider as the skeleton turned a soft shade of purple. Moments like these were his favorites, where he knew which buttons to press to fluster his beloved. Nothing more fair, after being at the other end of it so many times.

— I know... — Both hands were cradling Gaster's now, leaning closer to his beloved. — I'm glad you are staying.

— I wasn't lying when I promised to not leave your side. If you will have me. — Gaster's tone softened again, squeezing his wrist in return.

— You know my asnwer well by now.

The ever so slight head tilt leading into an ever bigger smile than before was all he needed to see.

A smile he never got tired of.

It still nagged at his soul, that there would be only so many of these moments, that one of them would be the last one. Anything below infinite was not enough.

But this finite was the right choice.

— I believe I do.